


Never Saying Goodbye

by ViennaWarren



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Merthur - Freeform, Protective Arthur, Soulmates, and arthur is there to help, in which merlin is grieving, pls enjoy my pain (but yes it does have a happy ending), this is how i dealt with my grief
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:07:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23994991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViennaWarren/pseuds/ViennaWarren
Summary: In which Merlin is devastated by grief and his friends (also Arthur’s spirit) help him cope.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Kudos: 8





	Never Saying Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a VERY long time ago (seven years ago), but rewatched the series recently and decided to publish this one here because it really helped me fill the gaping hole in my soul (a result of watching the season finale, really). Hopefully, it can help you guys grieve too. Please enjoy!

A year’s time had passed since the fateful day when Merlin lost his king. He had thought of nothing else since. And Arthur — every bit of his kindness, his likeness, his memory — was permanently etched into his mind. Those last moments with Arthur, Merlin would never forget.

* * *

_Merlin half-carried, half-dragged Arthur along the rugged path. They were both panting but the young wizard wasn’t one to give up. They finally made it to the clearing before Avalon and stopped to rest._

_Arthur collapsed in Merlin’s arms and he eased the king down onto the grass. “Merlin,” Arthur said weakly. “It’s too late.”_

_He was so broken. His forehead dotted with beads of perspiration, his face flushed and heated. Arthur was the very face of Death, though there was still breath in his lungs. Barely._

_Merlin’s fingers delicately brushed back Arthur’s sweaty hair, then danced down his jawline where his hands rested on the king’s chainmail._

_“All your magic, Merlin, and you can’t save my life,” he whispered through gritted teeth._

_“Shh... try not to speak. I’m not going to lose you, Arthur.”_

_Merlin put his arms under Arthur’s and gently tugged him into a more comfortable position. The king groaned regardless, obviously in an extraordinary amount of pain. “Just... just hold me. Please.”_

_Merlin felt tears sting his eyes but he angrily blinked them away. This wasn’t happening. Not now. He rested his chin against Arthur’s armor, welcoming the cold chill it brought him. The king’s shaky voice brought him back to attention._

_“There’s… there’s some… something I want to say,” Arthur said hoarsely, so quietly that Merlin had to lean in closer to hear him._

_The tip of Arthur’s nose brushed Merlin’s cheek. “No, Arthur. You’re not... You’re not going to say goodbye.”_

_Merlin didn’t think his heart could take it. However, Arthur shook his head and took in a shaky breath in an effort get the next few words out. “No, no… Merlin.”_

_He could barely speak his servant’s name properly; Merlin’s throat closed up tightly and he found that he couldn’t breathe. Arthur’s blue eyes were the only things shining about him. The rest of his body was tired and shutting down. Merlin stared into his eyes, not ever wanting to ever break the glance._

_“Everything you’ve done… I know now,” Arthur gasped, taking in a tremulous breath. “For me.”_

_His voice cracked. “For Camelot… for the kingdom you helped me build.”_

_Merlin couldn’t take it. “You’d have done it without me,” he argued, earning a faint chuckle and a smile from his king. Oh, how Merlin loved that smile._

_Without much warning, Arthur cried out in pain, making Merlin anxiously shift positions, still cradling Arthur’s head in his lap._

_“I want to say something I’ve never... said to you before.”_

_The rise and fall of his chest was uneven and Merlin bit his lip. Arthur moaned softly before trying to speak again._

_“Th-thank you,” Arthur murmured softly, turning his head to see Merlin more clearly, one last time._

_Merlin’s eyes watered terribly. He desperately blinked, trying to bring Arthur’s eyes and cheekbones into focus. Arthur shakily raised his hand to Merlin’s shoulder and let it stay there. He managed to give his friend one last smile before his eyes closed._

_“Arthur. Hey. No. Arthur!” Merlin said loudly, placing his palm on Arthur’s neck. Shining eyes greeted Merlin’s as Arthur dizzily swam in and out of consciousness._

_“Stay with me,” Merlin begged. Arthur struggled until finally, his bright eyes disappeared behind his eyelids for the last time._

_“Arthur!” he persisted, breath catching in little gasps. His fingers moved of their own accord, underneath Arthur’s jawline, searching for a pulse, a sign that somehow, he was still alive._

_“Arthur!” Merlin yelled, crying out. He pulled Arthur closer to him. Sobs wracking his body, he called for the dragon. The warlock placed his forehead on Arthur’s and waited, tears streaming down his face._

_After Kilgharrah arrived, Merlin could feel nothing. He was numb to the world. “There is nothing you can do,” the dragon told him softly. With watery eyes, Merlin glanced up at him._

* * *

“Merlin!” Gaius shouted, throwing open the young man’s bedroom door. “I’ve been calling you for ages.”

The young wizard blinked, suddenly aware of his setting. “Gaius? What’re you…” he mumbled, sitting up from his bed and rubbing the back of his head.

“The sun’s already disappearing from the sky. You’ve slept the day away, again. This really is unhealthy, Merlin.”

Merlin groggily stood up, swaying. Gaius hardly caught him in time. “Careful. Slow down,” he advised, helping him into a chair.

Since Arthur’s death, Merlin had been a complete wreck.

Gaius had expected the sadness to control his life for a period of time, but never did he think the grief would be plaguing him for this long. In truth, grief doesn’t go away. It’s dealt with differently as time goes by. But now, it was consuming him.

The warlock’s hair had grown quite shaggy and nearly covered his eyes; it was long too, down past Merlin’s ears. He seemed paler than usual, his face whiter than some of the tonics Gaius used. All white, except for the dark shadows under his eyes, despite Merlin sleeping most the day.

Most worrisome of all, he had lost a lot of weight. His normally fitting clothes seemed to hang off him, baggy. Gaius was at a loss for words at first, but now he decided it was time to bring it up.

“Merlin,” he began carefully, “We need to talk about something.”

The young man nodded, elbows resting on the kitchen table. After an uncomfortable silence, Gaius tried again. “I want you to start taking a draft I’ve made up for you. It will help with your mood, to… to lift your spirits a bit.”

He carefully placed a dram of deep purple liquid in front of him. “You’ll be taking it twice: once in the morning and once in the evening.”

Merlin nodded numbly and drank the tonic. Gaius reached out and rubbed the wizard’s arm comfortingly. “There you go. It’ll be alright.”

Before Merlin knew it, the sky had changed from a soft orange to a dark midnight black. He looked out the window, not sure what he expected to see. Not to his surprise, there were no stars shining.


End file.
